We all have demons. For some they are strong-willed and for others their demons live in the shadow of their act. In essence every human on this planet holds a dark side. We hear people often say this is a good human. What does that mean? Do these people not have demons? Do they only live in the presence of goodness? In a bad book or in an unrealistic movie my answer would be YES! But in real life I could only answer this question with the note that most people play the act of having no demons. These people most of the time act good but miss out being real. You might think isn’t it a game of controlling your bad vibes urges? Yes it is! But only people aware of their demons can find a way to prison them or tame them.
The illusion that some people are only described by goodness kills a lot of trust. When portraying you’re not real self to people who are supposed to love you or like you are creating a facade of fake bonds and relationships. While doing that you create terms that are unrealistic for you to follow and to hard for you to obtain. In such cases we see that most relations or bonds end with the note ” I actually never knew him or her”, ” I never expected her or him to be like this” or ” Its strange how people change”. Note to self: ” People don’t change! It’s the acting mask that falls of. You can’t act for the rest of your life, you can’t ignore what is inside of you and you definitely can’t gain control of a demon that has been a part of you for so long and whom you havent acknowledged .” Whenever you think that people in your life have changed remember this: those people have never been real to you from the beginning. It’s a human trick to make you believe that they are only good! It takes a lot of courage and self-awareness to show the ugly sides that also hide inside of you in the beginning.
We humans are dream chasers, we chase that what we dream of and what we wish for. So when meeting someone new we assume that they are the dream we have waited for. We project unrealistic character trades upon them and they hide and act along. The beginning of every relation starts with rainbows and a great summer breeze but when months fly by we notice more and more habits or flaws. That is the moment we start the fight of: ” YOU HAVE CHANGED.” Good news; they have not changed. Bad news; they never were themselves in the period that determined that you chose to be friends or lovers with them. What does that mean? You have been fooled from the beginning!
I sense that while reading this you disagree with me. You might state: ” you can’t show your demons to someone you have just met.” I agree with that! But when you can’t and wont show your bad sides to someone you must be aware of the fact that you have to control and cure those demons. Be aware of what ugly sides you carry with you so that when the time comes for you to show that side you can also show that you have learned to deal with them. Never put the burden of your demons reflection upon someone who becomes a part of your life. Dont get me wrong, people have to help each other in times of pain in despair but they can’t demand of others to put up with their unwillingness to deal with their demons before they start a bond of love or friendship. Be courageous enough to show your bad sides from the beginning and if you know that those demons are too frightening for every new person in your life than first deal with that demon yourself and then create new relationships and or friendships. If you expect truth and trust in a relationship then know that the first step is letting them meet the real you even if that means that they need to see a reflection of you might not share in fear that they will never accept you.
Remember that people never change, they are who they are from the beginning. Your view of them changes because slowly they keep lacking in hiding the reality of their being. They slack in their act and become more and more neglectful and in that moment you think they have changed. So for all of you meeting new people, try fighting your own demons, accept them, be aware of them and let the people who are letting you in their hearts and arms know what kind of demon you have tamed and that someday maybe you would need some back up in keeping that demon locked up.
Sodaba Abibzay – Nefelibata