A Leap of Doubt?

 

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Replace faith for doubt
When I was young I had a vision of how relationships should be. I had the example of movies I saw growing up. I read it in books I was addicted to. I heard it in songs I danced on in happy days. Years went by and my perception of relations got ripped apart. I understood one thing really well and that was the misconception of how we should treat our loved-ones. We humans are all in need of one thing; the believe that we matter for someone with whom our hearts are connected. We breathe by recognition, we heal by admiration and we smile by appreciation. But it is this same way of old-school thinking that keeps you urging for breath while you are left breathless, that infects the even healed wounds and that turns a bright smile in to a dark sadness of mistrust.

Why so?
What we used to know in name of commitment we now changed for doubt. What we needed to survive was the support and love of our loved ones but now it has made place for the urge of seeking more and better. The fear of settling for less makes us settle for nothing. The feeling of fear wins from the open arms of hope. We are trying to make a name, an existence, an identity and we forget that a name hold only by you means nothing, an existence shared alone equals to loneliness and an identity that does not include feelings stands in line with automatic creations. Why don’t we understand that the best part of life is to hold on to the thing that stood hand in hand with humanity: “ Love”.The subjective meaning of happiness has become a cold and materialistic description. Happiness is when you have a certain car, a certain house, a certain wardrobe and a certain status. Happiness is a product of use and misuse. My world broke in to pieces when realization pinched my heart. The pain was unreal. The sadness cruel but just like most storms end even this feeling of uncertainty ended. It made place for a feeling of pride, ambition, gratitude and independence. Now I breathe by recognition of my own name, I heal by admiration of family and friends and I smile by appreciation of life given to me to live. When searching happiness in others can only give you insecurities then try to find it somewhere trust worthy “within yourself”.

The lesson I learned in this 32 years of life is that bad people are always a part of our own acceptance. While wanting to be valued, stop making excuses for the mistakes of others. While wanted to feel true love , then engage with people who are emotionally evolved to maturity. If happiness is hard, then try to find gratitude for something. Some of you may have forgotten the grace of the gift called ” being alive”. Not everyone gets this gift. This same moment you are reading this and someone somewhere is closing their eyes forever. How grateful are you for the great things in life? While entering 2019 I want you to write down a list of all the things you are greatful for. Continue doing so and see if this leap of doubt magically turns in to a leap of faith in the direction of trust, love, morals, manners, dreams, happiness but above all gratefullness!

Wishing you all a Happy New Year Filled with Faith in yourself, your creator and others!

 

By Sodaba Abibzay

 

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