I the mind tried to rationalize in reasoning to convince the heart. So when reasoning with it I failed to convince the rhythm of its beats. Still now and then I try to talk to its conscience and its emotions. My friendly and gentle way of communication doesn’t piss it off but opens a door for me to peak in and understand the way it works. As a well-mannered guest, I tried to be polite. Sitting on the couch I take a look around and I find all the beats that have gone wasted in these years. I spotted the beats of suffering, the beats that were broken, the beats that were betrayed, the beats that were hated the beats that were forgotten and by all means the beats that failed in their purpose.
While looking at those painful beats I started to think that the heart was a sadist. As gentle as possible I tried asking it why it had opened its doors for me? It replied in strength: ”for those living and wanting to live it is needed to feel like home. It needs to give the warmth, joy, acceptance and above all the love one receives in a home and no other gesture can give all that than inviting someone in your home with open arms”. This answer confused me. Earlier I was confronted with all the beats suffering then how should I feel at home here? Seeing the confusion in my eyes it said: “ whenever we build relations, home ‘s, a feeling, an emotion or an act we need to take along our past beats. I still did not understand that a place that should resemble warmth, joy, acceptance and love should also carry the weight of failure, heartbreak, hatred and anger. Again, the heart understood me before I uttered my confusion in to words. It added: “Your luggage of beats makes you wiser in relations, it helps you feel with caution, it limits your emotions, it moves your acts into the right direction and that is how you will find a home.”
In conversation with the heart I was convinced that by accepting our past, our pain, our torture, our failures and our disappointments we will create the ability to not only give it a place in our homes (hearts) but we could also let it lead us to other places we can call home. The heart reasoned with me in such way that even after rationalizing it I would not lead but follow into its beats.
Chief Joseph stated: “ I believe much trouble would be saved if we opened our hearts more.” I believe that opening your heart to the past and the future will create love and kindness and love is where the home is – a home that our feet may leave, but not our heart.
By Sodaba Abibzay