This is inspired by all those people who give, love and care without conditions . This is for all the courageous people who dare to live like it matters despite the fact that they have lost faith, hope, love and lots of nights and days wondering why they found pain while they tried to cure others. When the pain screamed “give up!”, your inner strength and hope whispered ” try it one more time”. We often forget that strength comes from within there where, forgiveness, love and hope are firmed.
I am a person to whom everything of everyone matters. It matters to me that someone is sick, it matters to me that far from my bed someone is hungry, it matters to me that someone is upset, it matters to me when a child cries, it matters to me to see a tear in the eyes of loved ones, it matters to me when someone gets a heartbreak. It all matters so much that even in the most painful situations i try to understand others. So eventually it all mattered so much to a point that I didn’t matter anymore for myself and for those who labeled my caring too much as a weakness.
Their doubt towards me made me question myself. What is the point in caring if it is not appreciated? How can one make the leap to I don’t give a thing from I give my all to all? It is called character assassination. Our behavior with our friends, loved ones, family, spouse, dates and children determines a certain character within them and within us. They say we people are the reflection of the 5 individuals we hang out with the most. So what if all those people are in a rush and hurry to change who you are in heart and mind? Will that affect you? Will you be the product of their pointing fingers? If caring is gold then how come it is crushing in value? Why is it that the most important things in life are also the least appreciated things? Is it because we all have shifted from it all matters to nothing matters at all? Was I heading late in my shift or was I always the one that differed from the rest? Questions that pain your brain and sometimes pinch your heart excelling in big pearl tears from the eyes. Was it cruel to care a lot? Was it self-destruction to maintain a certain amount of love and appreciation while most people have shifted their priorities long before you ever noticed? We say that we value things that are hard to find, but what if you stopped valuing that exact same thing because it found you. Is the search, the hunt and the race towards it more important than the eventual prize? Is it by nature bound that we only value the things we can’t have? Or is it this the humans dishonest way of being unthankful to things that we have?
Are we creatures that lost their actual meaning by just defining in status, money and positions? Did we forget that being human is also a compliment? That to care one needs a heart, that to forgive one needs personality and that to love beyond measures one needs courage? Having that said, I can conclude that most of us are heartless, coward creatures without personality? I was thinking this last phrase out loud and it is a depressing thought to be labeled as a heartless, coward creature without personality. So as much as I love to change my ending I can assure that no one wants to be boxed in that area. So did I go from it all mattered to nothing matters at all? No I did not. Reason? I can name a thousand but for now I will leave you with just one: I don’t like the idea of being a heartless, coward person without personality.
Will I care again? Sure I will, will I love when I get back nothing in return? Yes I will. Will I try to give as much as I can? Yes I will. Will I be hurt again? Yes I will. But that will determine that I am a brave person with a beating heart that once in a while may get bruised but heals because of a nurturing personality. It will sound cliché to say but when it all matters then you will eventually matter to the right people and you wont need any limitation in your personality. Being aware of every blessing in life will not only heal your broken pieces but will also shift the quality of your life to a level where you can feel, appreciate , smile or cry but be content with yourself. Hurt and pain is inevitable in life but learning from it is a choice you can make. If you need to change the quality of your life, then try changing your mindset from ” Why me?” to ” Try me!”. Every day you wake up healthy you find yourself being blessed by the grace of god. That is a gift most of us don’t even appreciate or think about but knowing that you are blessed with an other 24 hours how do you react? We live once, we meet wonderful people, even people who hurt or break us are wonderful because of the lessons they tought us. Like Rumi my favourite poet and the best humanist once said : ” The wound is the place where the light enters you.” So if getting hurt is all that I am risking for the light to enter my life I would give it all to all every time again.
By Sodaba Abibzay